Don't judge me.. God is all I have..

Well.. I've been meaning to do a post like this for a while. I don't want it to be too long so you lose interest, but I want it to be in depth enough for you to understand and understand well.

I've always believed in God. But the belief was nowhere near the way it is now. My mother wasn't heavily Christian, and we weren't a family that went to church habitually every Sunday. Well, we didn't go to church at all.

We had faith. And we believed that there was someone watching over us.

I remember (this was when we were all in America; I used to live there...) we were having a conversation about heaven and God, and what we believed.. and we all believed something.

We still didn't go to church.

We all came back to London in 2002, and my mother fell ill around 2007, going to 2008, and she was on a rapid search for a healing. We went to about 2 or 3 different churches, until we found my church now, God's Solution Centre.

Now before I get into that, even before we did that, we were making constant trips to the hospital, I had to sacrifice days of uni to go and accompany her because there would be some days where she would be too weak to go by herself, and she kept on deteriorating.

When we set foot at God's Solution Centre, our faith soared. 

She started to get a little better--- but then tragically in 2009, she died of a heart attack, brought on by the cancer she had been suffering from, called Multiple Myeloma. (Has to do with the bone marrow..)

Now you would have thought that this kind of thing would have made me lose all faith in God.

It didn't.

It grew stronger. I obtained enough knowledge to understand that God gives and he takes away-- and also that God will always want our attention, and I believe this was God's way of seriously grabbing mine. 

I wouldn't say that my mother was my god per se-- but she was someone that was my source of strength and joy, as much as she would get pissed off at me, she was still my friend at the end of the day, and my mom.

But anyway, when she died, my faith grew, and I know that God wanted to use me for something great. I didn't endure all of that to not become strong out of it. My brother, who is currently estranged at the moment, completely broke down, and up until now is still asking, 'Why did God take her away?'

God isn't a mean God. He isn't. Everything he does is for our good. Even if the situation is bad, it's for a reason.

But. Yeah. So once I obtained that knowledge, I kept on feeding myself with more knowledge through my spiritual father, Pastor Abbeam Danso and here I am today.

Facebook statuses, twitter statuses, etc, this is why I flood them with God and how much I love him, because even though I lost my mother, he is still there looking after me, and I have a place to go and be amongst people that have the same faith as me-- these same people helped with my mothers funeral, and were generally-- and still there for me now. Why shouldn't I be eternally grateful to God and my church?

So.. I apologize to anyone that feels like I'm engorging their Time lines and news feeds with too much of God, but I am eternally appreciative and grateful for all that he's done for me, and that doesn't mean I'm going to bash you or whatever because of what you do or don't believe in- I'm sharing my relationship with God with you-- I don't want to be selfish and not let you at least know how God is changing not just my life, but people's lives everyday.

Oh, I didn't tell you.. I was held at knife point in 2009 as well. 

I got mugged. And God kept me.. I could have died-- the knife was held against my stomach-- It was so dark, that  I'm not even sure if it was a knife, i just saw something shiny pointed at me .

Either way, that night could have been the end of me, and I was by myself too.

It may not seem like anything because it's not your life.. it's mine, but I'm sharing how wonderful and beautiful God is. 

I have a relationship with God, that I'm perfecting everyday, and I believe it's selfish to not be able to share the glorious things he has done.

Just because I know God doesn't mean things are peachy. They aren't perfect either. But I'm living. I'm learning, and that is what life is for. To appreciate all it's beauty within the hardships and the joyful times. God has filled in that gap for my mother and become my source of strength, and that driving force backing the faith I obtain.

Romans 1:16 reads

'For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.'

I am not ashamed of God and all that he has done for me-- but I do sometimes become a little worried about what people think about me... because I had a scroll through my Facebook back in like 2004 and my statuses were not like how they were now! I'm not the same person I was then. 

In this life I know people are fine the way they are, they don't need to believe in everything, or even if they do.. I acknowledge that every one's paths are different, and this was mine. I'm still the same as in I still care, I'm still loving, I still worry (I really shouldn't!) and I'm still goofy-- it's just now I acknowledge and accept God in my life.

I've seen that some people I used to talk to have backed away from me.. and don't really talk to me as much.. and if that's due to my heightened faith and spiritual awareness.. then it's all part of the plan of God. I just hope that people aren't intimidated by me and still see me as someone they can still come and talk to.

I was distracted by so many things, and 2009 was the year God decided 'Right. Enough is enough. Her time is coming. I need her attention'

And here I am today.