False Belief-- Flashback Friday

False Belief

It’s been 5 years since I’ve actually talked to my mother seriously. The house is dark, because she’s afraid of running up the electricity bill. The only form of electricity is the television. She’s watching her regular GOD channel service at 6pm. I remember she missed a service, locked herself in her room, and prayed for 3 hours straight; repenting her sins and all. I’m sitting in my room, biting my nails and looking at the inspirational lines I made for myself when I’m ever stuck in a rut. I am stuck in a rut. I can hear my mother singing her hymns, speaking in tongues, and clapping.

5 years ago, I was 15, overweight, and had low self esteem. I had a couple of friends here and there, but I truly had one friend. We’re still friends now, we talk, but we don’t talk about everything. It’s an unequal friendship. She tells me every little detail about her life. I can’t. I’m paranoid about what people will think of me if I tell anyone this. When I was younger, I could tell my mother anything. I remember I told her that I won’t get a boyfriend until I’m 50. That’s how bad I felt about myself. I want to tell my mother this, but I’m afraid of what she’ll think of me when I do. What am I going to do if she doesn’t accept what I tell her? My friends will accept me; I know that for one thing, I know that they’ll always be there. But my mother, she disowned my older brother because he’s gay. Her belief is, that men should like women, and women should like men. That’s how God made us, she said to me. She doesn’t talk to him. She doesn’t visit him. He doesn’t exist. I still talk to him of course, he’s blood. I accept him. I can’t abandon him. I am her only child now, and I don’t want to let her down if I tell her this.

I hear the priest on the television finishing his service. I can hear my mother repeating, “Praise his name! Praise his name!” I take a deep breath, and continue to read one of my inspirational phrases that stick out at me: “Through thick and thin, family will always be there.” I re-read it 10 times. I’m nibbling at the skin of my thumb. My stomach gurgles. I hear my mother calling my name. I stand up, and read my phrase one last time. I walk out of my room, and into the living room lit with the lights of the TV.

“Yes, mom?”
“So what is this you wanted to talk to me about?”

I sit in the chair opposite of her and face the television. I see in the corner of my eye her doing the sign of the cross.

“Well, I just feel I haven’t talked to you like I usually have.”
“Ok, well what’s going on?”
“Ok, well I talked to Dave the other-“
“Hannah, you know we don’t mention that name in this house.”

She looks at me dead in my face.

“Ok, I’ll get to the point then mom.”
“Yes?”
“Well you know how I’ve been with Greg for 3 years now?”
“Yeah, you guys need to get married so I can have me some grandchildren!”
“Well... that’s just it mom.”
"What?”

“You’re going to have a grandchild, in about 9 month’s time.”

So need to edit this story... Another one of my favourites though..