Growth and reflections

Hmmm... I have just said to myself I am not going to sleep until I finish all of the writing I need to do... so just gonna get this blog out of the way.

It's so painful to lose people that you love so much-- I don't mean as in death, but sometimes do you see after a while there are particular people that are in your life that start to fade away... or just plain disappear-- when I find they just leave like that.. it's of God. Maybe that person that was there-- their time is done in my life.. and we move on.

Have you ever thought about that?

That everyone in your life, or some of the people in your life are only there for a time? When you monitor the type of people around you.. you want to keep the people that are positive and you see the presence makes you feel good.

...just random thoughts....

Quiet day..

Reflective... on a lot of things... good and bad.

Hmm.... I think I need another one.

I just want a holiday..

Like... a proper holiday... away from here.

I just need some... unwinding time... because of where I currently am at this moment in time.. everything is literally just up in the air and I really don't know what's going to happen next.. so it's literally all in God's care. I don't know what to do.. where to go... I'm just doing the work that God has given me to do... and being in his house 24/7 as usual.

I wouldn't say I'm lost... but I really need to think hard and plan about my life. Like.. today I was having a conversation about marriage-- because I seem to have this consistent problem that dudes my age don't seem interested in me, or they literally get chased off because of my maturity level, and in return causes them to not be able to handle me.

So I came to the conclusion that there is 'no one out there' for me, (which is a complete lie.. it was something I was doing to get a reaction) but I honestly haven't thought about it.. but I don't think I'd be able to be with someone my age.. which is ok because I always had a thought that I'd like to be with someone a little older than me.. but by maybe 2 or 3 years.. not 5 or 10... but according to the person I was having the conversation with it may be that!

But... I really don't know. I just need some stability... and I need to know where my life is going.. because right now it's an actual mess and I need to clear the debris.

3am

So.. it's one of those moments where I can't sleep.. so I'm up thinking and writing...

There's a lot that has happened with me in the past couple of months that need to be documented in stories.. but for some reason I'm finding it difficult to put it down.. I don't know if it's because I don't want it to be too literal.. meaning I don't want it to directly be written like how it happened... but rather aspects of it being in the story and it being embellished and to match the characters themselves..

Because what I like to do with stories is obviously base the main inciting incident on what's happened with me.. but obviously exaggerate it a bit.. and go from there.. my stories are based on real events in my own life or i've witnessed.. I believe it's more interesting then writing a completely fictional story.. but on the other fictional stories are for the people who like to escape... so both have a purpose.

But yeah... not sleepy.. thinking and drafting...

x

Pollen Attack

Hayfever can be a real.... Yeah!

But today has been a day of such deep thought and evaluation of myself..
I feel that I'm starting to become passive... and I don't really want to go back there...

I just need to.. sort me out.

I will... eventually.


My eyes are actually stinging..

G'night!

Going back..

So.. I gots my new phone...!

And within a week the back of my phone is already cracked.. x_x

It didn't fall from a death defying height... it gently slipped off my lap and onto the CONCRETE ground.
It's not too bad and it's not the front of the phone so... yeah.

ANYWAY.

I miss reading. I miss writing (stories).. so what I've done is.. I've purchased myself 2 books.. and I'm gonna start reading again-- I haven't read anything fictional for a very long time.. and I need and want to get myself back in the loop.. I miss my writing being an outlet for my pain and emotions.. it still is.. but not to the extent it used to be.

But the two books I've ordered were 'The Hour I First Believed' by Wally Lamb (Who also wrote, She's come undone which I've read 3 times and is one of my favourite books) and 'On the Island' by Tracey Garvis-Graves
So I'll lose myself a little in those two books.

Update with my videos... I WILL start very soon.. I just need to sort out my phone (because I also managed to chip a little of my front screen camera-- I fell down on the way to work one day and went WHAM on the floor.. with my phone..)
But it's not too bad.. I may just need someone to film me doing it...

But I have to do them.. I always feel like I have something to say.. and that means something for me.

But yeah... trying to turn my 2013 around a little bit.. I've been a little deviated and distracted.. I need to get back on course.

Lord help me..

Upgrade

I'm getting a new phone!!


SONY XPERIA Z!!

I'm gonna join the touch screen nation..

Wish me luck oh!

x