Christmas Eve

It's Christmas eve...

And my mood has been up and down today.
My mind took me back to 2009 again... the year that my mother died... and the fact that year was the first Christmas I spent without my mother. Even that Christmas is a complete blur to me-- it's as if my mind wiped that entire time out of my head because I couldn't cope.

Even so... as much as I want to try and not think about it.. I end up thinking about it!
I always have a conversation with my colleague at work as well because she lost her father not too long ago and one thing I told her is that you can't completely get over something like the loss of a loved one. You learn to live with it, but you don't actually 'get over' it or 'move on from it', which is why we get moments where we feel down because those memories and thoughts have come in the forefront of our minds.. but it's not necessarily always bad memories or sad thoughts-- but it is more of the realization that they are gone.. you get that empty feeling.

But I always see my loss of my mother in a weird way, as an encouragement to others around me-- the fact I'm still standing-- I lost my mother when I was 21... and I'm 27 now.. I've kept my sanity, and myself in a good place with the help of God-- and I've been able to survive by myself.. and yeah..

But overall--- I'm really not feeling the 'Christmas spirit' this year-- Christmas seems to have... crawled upon me this year-- it's like December happened and I blinked and now it's Christmas.

Totally crazy!

But, I'm grateful I'm still here and to celebrate with loved ones and close friends.

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas x

Ups and downs, smiles and frowns

So.. it's almost been a month since I've posted anything again..

It's been a very adventurous month or so..
A lot has happened.. I can say.. good things have happened.

I've been having a very bad ankle of recent-- very swollen and very painful. I've had an on again off again problem with my ankle but it's never gotten to this level..
But I'm not really concerned too much.. it will go. I just need to take care of myself...

It's practically Christmas... and I can't believe it. There's a lot I want to achieve in the new year and I'm praying to God that I can fulfil it.

This year hasn't been all bad... there have been good points about the year... despite not completing some of the goals that I had previously envisioned.
But everything in its time, right?

God is with me every step of the way anyway--- just have to keep pushing through!

Almost reaching the end of the year

I just can't believe it!

We're already in like the third week of November.. and Christmas ads and music are just playing so cheerfully.

The end of the year always causes me to reflect.. just about what I've achieved throughout the current year and what I plan to achieve in the forthcoming year..

Things do happen and we may not achieve what we want.. but it doesn't mean that you have failed.

So many things happen towards the end of the year that should make you really appreciate life and all it has to offer..


Christmas is in 5 WEEKS!

:0

I'm in my own world

I was speaking to one of my brothers... and I said to him 'I'm just in my own little world you know... where everything is positive and shiny..'

He goes..

'Yeah. I don't get it.'

I've adopted a perspective on life where I look at everything in a positive light; and I try to look at the good in every situation-- sometimes that can make look a little oblivious and naive-- but really I'd rather think and look positively than be amongst the majority that think negatively or have given up on positivity; and have a 'glass half empty' look on life.

I always uphold hope that something better will come out of the situation.

Clearly... I am a human being and I will have days where I'm a little down-- the difference is to get up and not remain in that slump.

But yeah.. sometimes I feel like I'm in my own world with my positivity and rainbows like good ol spongebob over here:

:)

Youtubers hustle

Well... seeing as I haven't posted... that much....

I'm going to do TWO posts today.


So... Today's Saturday... the day that I catch up on practically everything. My shows. My belongings... my LIFE. lol.

But today I was mainly catching up on my youtube vloggers.. my regulars that I try and watch during the week but I don't finish them because I fall asleep.. because I need to wake up at the crack of dawn the next day.

But yeah... I always tend to gravitate to the comment section because there are so many people with... for a lack of a better phrase; very colourful with their opinions.

But at the end of the day... these people work hard, and they get paid for what they do. They work hard to provide content for us for our viewing pleasure...

...that's THEIR hustle. I appreciate all of the vloggers. I HEART all of you. Your content is beautiful and genuine and it's great to watch when you're having a bad day, a good day, or when you just want to get away from your life a little bit,

They be hustlin' to make a living too!

They be running through the 6 with THEIR woes!

Don't ask. lol. But you know what I mean!

Everyone is trying to make a living.

Shoutout to all the youtubers-- you all are very dedicated individuals and continue what you do!

The LaVigne Life
GabeBabeTV
Thedailydavidsons
Latoya's life

<3

Love

So... it's been almost a whole MONTH since I've posted in here.

That was not in any way intentional-- life gets in the way.. you know? But I have been writing... just not in here.. x_x

But. I was reminded about love earlier on this week.

Love isn't selfish.
Love is kind.
Love is patient.
Love can come with pain.. but that only validates to you that you really do love the person. You wouldn't allow someone to hurt you if you didn't love them.
Love can be so blinding that you don't see the faults of the other person.. so much so, they could be hurting you and you will never see it that way.

Most of all... love is a complex emotion all of the same... how can you hate someone so much but still love them with all of your heart?

Love... most of all.. is ACTION

Saying it is all well and good... but what have you done for the person to truly see that you mean what you say?

Love is more than an 'I love you'-- have you been there when the person has been at an all time low? What did you do?

Love is something that if it is true-- it can change someone's life for the better. I'm not just talking about love between a man and a woman, but just genuine love for one another.

And don't just wait until someone is on their death bed to finally tell them... show them while they are still on this earth!

Share the love. Everyone needs it.

Loyalty

Yesterday I heard a word at church... and it has caused me to reflect. So much.

It made me delve deep into my whole life... myself, my motives... everything.

I'm a firm believer in the Lord because he has definitely been my rock and foundation through some of the hardest times of my life since I was 20.
But the question has arisen... 'How loyal am I to God'? When things are all great and wonderful, I'm happy and praising God.. but when things get tough I always ask God 'Why?'.
When things are good.... why am I not asking him 'What do you need me to do now Lord?'

God isn't someone you pick up whenever you feel like.. once you decide to invite God into your life, that is it-- he is the one who is guiding your life.
It shouldn't be a thing of just acknowledging him when things are good... but when they are bad also.

I'm still reflecting... but it's just some things that are flying around in my head..

#thoughts