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You know.. sometimes it's good to talk..

Especially when your heart becomes so heavy, it feels like there's a weight on your chest. But sometimes, you know... don't you have those thoughts in your mind like 'What are they gonna say if I say this?' or, 'What will they think of me?' or, 'Are they gonna think I'm aiming all of this at them?' because you know when you talk to people.. or even generally.. about half of what they say is mainly their body- so you're talking and you're seeing something shift as they move their body and you're like 'Ohh no..' but maybe that's just me because I've become a lot more observant nowadays..

But.. yeah, because one major thing I notice is when I speak a little of my heart out.. I feel.. like space! If that even makes sense? Like a gap has formed where that weight was filling. But then..,. it gets filled up with more worries.

Jesus. Am I a piece of work or what? I thank God that I'm not stressed out-- or at least I don't think I am? I don't really feel 'stressed' per se-- but more overwhelmed if anything.

I'm the kind of person that will put someone else before myself.. but then I'm also learning that I must think of myself otherwise.. no one will. That's life... everyone thinks of themselves.. I really think there are only a selected few of people in this world that will fully forget about themselves and think of other people and their needs.

But anyway, I guess my general fear of heartfelt talk is that what I am saying will get taken completely the wrong way, rather than letting that person know how I am actually truthfully feeling.

So when someone asks if I'm ok.. my default answer is 'I'm fine'.. but we all know the meaning behind that statement don't we.. and it's not even the statement, it's the tone of the statement that tells you if you actually are or not..

Oh Lord... bit by bit I'll get there..
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