Internal lessons

Well.

I've learned a lot about myself in the past two weeks.

When you start to become more aware of your actions, and the things you say-- you start to spot the mistakes you make and how much you actually take to heart, rather than just letting it fly over your head.

There were some things I already knew, and there were some things that I found incredibly surprising.. or more like I was in denial about it and thought it would just go away.. clearly! I was wrong.

But I thank God, because I already self evaluate myself, but this time was different-- I was in a very dark place, and I just wanted to be alone.. I was SUPER critical of myself, and I was crying almost every night, and a million thoughts were running through my mind-- I thought everyone was distancing themselves from me, didn't want to talk to me (which was actually true.. because when I get in that kind of place, no one feels like they want to come close to me) or they were planning to just abandon me..

Yeah. It was alot.

But then I came out of it in a blink of an eye on Friday.. and I'm alright again. But it was kind of like I was thrown in an unknown area trying to fend for myself-- and I know with me specifically, my mind is a very powerful thing.. it can cause me to go through unnecessary misery just because I was thinking about something.
I just need to know how to control it, I need guidance and advice.. and I thank God I have a spiritual father to gain advice from.. so that's something I have to look into.

But other than that.. I'm thinking about a multitude of things but they're not bad-- they're more of things I want to do for people and I'm hoping I can..

So we'll see.

x