Childhood crushes

I just heard someone say the name, 'Antoine' and it made me remember a boy I used to like back in the 3rd grade!

(I was in America those times)

3rd Grade is equivalent to Year 4 here.

Yeah, so at the age we don't know a dang thing! I was convinced I was in love with this boy, writing 'secret admirer' notes, and what made it worse is he lived on the same road as me as well, so not only going to the same school, but also living near enough to each other.. Lawd!

My mother caught me writing one of my secret admirer notes.. and oh my goodness gracious.. How embarrassing! But he never found out it was me, so nevermind!

But when we're children, we're in love literally every day.. lol.

I just found that random flashback humorous. 

Anyway, the day has finally come... and I'm so happy. 

FRIDAY!

x

I'm so proud of him!!!!

This is someone that I admire, and I'm proud to have met him.



I am sooo proud of him.. he has come such a long way.



So amazing what faith, strength and perseverance can get you.



xx

Knowledge

Well.. I was reading some articles in the guardian on my phone..

And I came across two articles that struck up some questions in my mind.

One was about using ketamine to help treat depression..
And the other was one about children staying at home due to the smog that seems to be hovering around London.

Now, the whole Ketamine use thing-- Ketamine is a drug, we all know that, but the main worry I have is that they're going to upgrade it to a Class B drug because they are aware that it's caused psychological and physical harm to people who use it for recreation.. so what's stopping the people from being 'prescribed' Ketamine for their supposed 'depression' to abuse it and use it as recreation as well?

There's always pros and cons with drugs and being prescribed drugs, it's so easy to overdose, but at the same time they seem to help with certain sicknesses, YET they have serious side effects, for example, when taking the Ketamine, you're prone to vomiting, suicidal episodes, and anxiety. To me, when taking any type of medication or prescribed drug, I think the side effects overbear the actual reason why you're taking it to aid in helping rid of whatever you've been diagnosed with!
Depression though, I believe is a very varied psychological sickness and everyone reacts differently to drugs and treatment. But, who knows..


Next.

This smog came from nowhere. It is worrying because for the past couple of mornings it's been quite foggy, or misty rather, and there's a particular smell in the air, it's not sulfur, but it's that kind of smell, if that makes sense? It doesn't look good, and I really wonder what's going to happen-- we can't all just be cooped up in our houses due to polluted air? The air is already polluted due to bus and car fumes, cigarette smoke etc. But they're saying the air quality NOW due to the smog has been lowered.. and people with asthma or any other breathing complication will be affected...

Hm.. sometimes the news can be a little depressing at times to be honest! lol

On a lighter and brighter note, I have one more day left until I'm on break!!
And I'm very proud of myself this morning... I caught my train after a 2 minutes dash from the bus stop to the station, (I got off the bus at 7:18, and my train alights at 7:20, to leave for 7:21.)
Lawd! My legs were wobbly already because I was tired.. so I think I did well!

Looking to get back into swimming during this time off as well hopefully!

x

Oh, my God.

I am the most inconsiderate, stupid, self centered person ever.

And, I think one of my prayers has been answered.

I have the biggest apology to make today. Not on the phone either. But in person.

This person may not even see it as anything.. but I understand. Fully.

And because I'm thinking of myself and how I feel...

This person said so many things before and I didn't think of it as anything, but anything that comes out of a person's mouth has meaning behind it.. and it's only now that I've understood the depth.

God forgive me.

I hope this person forgives me.

..Sorry but..

EAST CLAPHAM?


Brixton... to EAST CLAPHAM?

Anyone see this article yesterday?

It better be an April's Fool article.. because Lawd.


No.

I'm not understanding this...

So after 5 years..

I'm really sad this year.. in regards to my mother.

I'm not understanding this? The years have flown by, and I know my mother has passed and what not-- but why am I feeling it now?

I felt down on Mother's day... and we're in April, I feel more down.. it's not down as in depressed, but there is a twitch in my heart feeling the absence of no mother.

I have a spiritual mother and I thank God for that, but no one can replace my mother.

Lord, I don't know what this is, but please let me have peace. It's weird that after all of these years I'm JUST feeling like this--

I can't really comprehend.. it's sadness and emptiness and feeling lost.

When I hear the complaints of the people around me about their parents and how they hate their mother's and how they wish they would die, and what not-- Well, my mother IS dead, and I didn't wish for that. Yeah.. we all have our moments where we had an argument with our parents or they said something that we didn't want to hear, but needed to hear.. and we didn't like it.. we say all kinds of things.

But the truth of the matter is, at least you have your parents there. At least you have guidance. At least you have a mother to go to when no one else can understand you..

Seeing all of those mother's day statuses and pictures on FB.. I was just.. empty.

But it's life.. I know I'm meant to be strong, and I know where my life is headed.. I know there are so many people that will need my support, and by this experience, I will be able to help all of those people..

Didn't mean for such a melancholic kind of mood.. but this is what a blog is for ya see!

x

Strength

'Once a upon a time, you asked me why did I like you-- you remember? I liked you because you're strong.'

This was from the last episode of 'My Mad Fat Diary' last night. Fell in love with the show with the plethora of issues that are in the show, and the time at which it's set..

Anyway, my point is, strength. Why would that be such a quality that would cause someone to like someone else?

For many different reasons. I think the main reason is, despite what the person is going through, they can still have that on them, and still be able to deal with the other issues involved with the people around them. I guess you could call it a form of stability or comfort knowing that this person is strong enough to be able to still be there for you.

Either way, strength is something we all have--- and I'm not talking physical strength.. muscles.. etc, I'm talking about emotional strength.
Things could be breaking down left, right and center, but despite that, you're still together, and you're still coping..

This is how I was at my mother's funeral/the announcement of my mother's death. My mother's funeral, I did cry, but throughout the day, I was the one comforting people-- they cried more than I did, and I was the one supporting-- I got told I was strong, and I didn't really know what that meant until I heard that line yesterday-- (can you imagine one bit of dialogue from a fictional television show can make my mind do this.)

But what I'm getting at is we all have inner strength-- and just because you cry doesn't mean you're weak. Crying is a form of release.. a way of getting the stress, the sadness, the anguish, the anger, everything-- out.

Some people tend to just have more strength than others-- it could be obtained in so many ways, or maybe it was always instilled inside of you.
And with this inner strength, it will always get tested-- and the only way it will build up is through experiences in life, let downs, set backs, failures.. that's how you become strong.

So if you see in your life that you experience so much set back, so much failure or rejection-- whatever it maybe-- it's not the end of the road and it's only making you stronger.

And this topic has so inspired me to write a story too.

lol. Writers eh? Isn't it great :p