Christmas Eve

It's Christmas eve...

And my mood has been up and down today.
My mind took me back to 2009 again... the year that my mother died... and the fact that year was the first Christmas I spent without my mother. Even that Christmas is a complete blur to me-- it's as if my mind wiped that entire time out of my head because I couldn't cope.

Even so... as much as I want to try and not think about it.. I end up thinking about it!
I always have a conversation with my colleague at work as well because she lost her father not too long ago and one thing I told her is that you can't completely get over something like the loss of a loved one. You learn to live with it, but you don't actually 'get over' it or 'move on from it', which is why we get moments where we feel down because those memories and thoughts have come in the forefront of our minds.. but it's not necessarily always bad memories or sad thoughts-- but it is more of the realization that they are gone.. you get that empty feeling.

But I always see my loss of my mother in a weird way, as an encouragement to others around me-- the fact I'm still standing-- I lost my mother when I was 21... and I'm 27 now.. I've kept my sanity, and myself in a good place with the help of God-- and I've been able to survive by myself.. and yeah..

But overall--- I'm really not feeling the 'Christmas spirit' this year-- Christmas seems to have... crawled upon me this year-- it's like December happened and I blinked and now it's Christmas.

Totally crazy!

But, I'm grateful I'm still here and to celebrate with loved ones and close friends.

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas x

Ups and downs, smiles and frowns

So.. it's almost been a month since I've posted anything again..

It's been a very adventurous month or so..
A lot has happened.. I can say.. good things have happened.

I've been having a very bad ankle of recent-- very swollen and very painful. I've had an on again off again problem with my ankle but it's never gotten to this level..
But I'm not really concerned too much.. it will go. I just need to take care of myself...

It's practically Christmas... and I can't believe it. There's a lot I want to achieve in the new year and I'm praying to God that I can fulfil it.

This year hasn't been all bad... there have been good points about the year... despite not completing some of the goals that I had previously envisioned.
But everything in its time, right?

God is with me every step of the way anyway--- just have to keep pushing through!