I just want a holiday..

Like... a proper holiday... away from here.

I just need some... unwinding time... because of where I currently am at this moment in time.. everything is literally just up in the air and I really don't know what's going to happen next.. so it's literally all in God's care. I don't know what to do.. where to go... I'm just doing the work that God has given me to do... and being in his house 24/7 as usual.

I wouldn't say I'm lost... but I really need to think hard and plan about my life. Like.. today I was having a conversation about marriage-- because I seem to have this consistent problem that dudes my age don't seem interested in me, or they literally get chased off because of my maturity level, and in return causes them to not be able to handle me.

So I came to the conclusion that there is 'no one out there' for me, (which is a complete lie.. it was something I was doing to get a reaction) but I honestly haven't thought about it.. but I don't think I'd be able to be with someone my age.. which is ok because I always had a thought that I'd like to be with someone a little older than me.. but by maybe 2 or 3 years.. not 5 or 10... but according to the person I was having the conversation with it may be that!

But... I really don't know. I just need some stability... and I need to know where my life is going.. because right now it's an actual mess and I need to clear the debris.