Growth and reflections

Hmmm... I have just said to myself I am not going to sleep until I finish all of the writing I need to do... so just gonna get this blog out of the way.

It's so painful to lose people that you love so much-- I don't mean as in death, but sometimes do you see after a while there are particular people that are in your life that start to fade away... or just plain disappear-- when I find they just leave like that.. it's of God. Maybe that person that was there-- their time is done in my life.. and we move on.

Have you ever thought about that?

That everyone in your life, or some of the people in your life are only there for a time? When you monitor the type of people around you.. you want to keep the people that are positive and you see the presence makes you feel good.

...just random thoughts....

Quiet day..

Reflective... on a lot of things... good and bad.

Hmm.... I think I need another one.

I just want a holiday..

Like... a proper holiday... away from here.

I just need some... unwinding time... because of where I currently am at this moment in time.. everything is literally just up in the air and I really don't know what's going to happen next.. so it's literally all in God's care. I don't know what to do.. where to go... I'm just doing the work that God has given me to do... and being in his house 24/7 as usual.

I wouldn't say I'm lost... but I really need to think hard and plan about my life. Like.. today I was having a conversation about marriage-- because I seem to have this consistent problem that dudes my age don't seem interested in me, or they literally get chased off because of my maturity level, and in return causes them to not be able to handle me.

So I came to the conclusion that there is 'no one out there' for me, (which is a complete lie.. it was something I was doing to get a reaction) but I honestly haven't thought about it.. but I don't think I'd be able to be with someone my age.. which is ok because I always had a thought that I'd like to be with someone a little older than me.. but by maybe 2 or 3 years.. not 5 or 10... but according to the person I was having the conversation with it may be that!

But... I really don't know. I just need some stability... and I need to know where my life is going.. because right now it's an actual mess and I need to clear the debris.

3am

So.. it's one of those moments where I can't sleep.. so I'm up thinking and writing...

There's a lot that has happened with me in the past couple of months that need to be documented in stories.. but for some reason I'm finding it difficult to put it down.. I don't know if it's because I don't want it to be too literal.. meaning I don't want it to directly be written like how it happened... but rather aspects of it being in the story and it being embellished and to match the characters themselves..

Because what I like to do with stories is obviously base the main inciting incident on what's happened with me.. but obviously exaggerate it a bit.. and go from there.. my stories are based on real events in my own life or i've witnessed.. I believe it's more interesting then writing a completely fictional story.. but on the other fictional stories are for the people who like to escape... so both have a purpose.

But yeah... not sleepy.. thinking and drafting...

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