When I think about it...

My life is in the hands of God..

Everything that has happened to me.. and what I've gone through and still going through.. I'm being kept by HIM.
Sometimes when I sit down and reflect.. I go, 'God.. how?' because it's very emotional and very lonely.. but God has me in the palm of his hand.. and I know he's watching over me..

Thank you Lord..
I love you x

A little encouragement/Self improvement goals

On Sunday, there were awards that were given to particular members in my church, and I received one!
An 'Outstanding contribution award' for 'Faithful and diligent service in the GSC Media department'

Because I'm a worker in my church, I'm pretty much there all of the time because the work that needs to be put in and the vision that is over that department is very big! So the work has to definitely be hard and passionate.
But I will be so honest, when I heard my name called I began to shake and was like 'Oh my God' because I was not expecting it at all.
But it humbled me because it means that I am doing something right, and people are seeing my dedication and my love for the church and the vision.
But then it also scared me because it means I have something to maintain, and I hope that I don't begin to lag behind or the dedication begins to waiver or I don't work as hard as I did.

 I will try my best to even work harder than I did last year.

I was encouraged by a fellow sister of mine in church who told me that I did deserve the award and that I'm strong and 'nothing seems to bother me' and I just 'get on with it' which I went 'Really?' But it goes to show that people do see what you do and are quietly encouraged by it.
I was marveled for a little bit but it did encourage me a lot.

Now.
I've been quietly contemplating how I'm going to improve myself this year. I have so many flaws about myself that CAN be changed for the better.. and so that I can grow and excel in life. Because there are things about us that can literally stop your own growth and progress.

So.. for this year I'm--

**Going to work on my self confidence
**Going to work on speaking in front of people (I've improved but I'm going to have to get a lot better)
**Going to work on my emotions
**Going to work on reactions
**Going to work on letting things go (really letting things go and not convincing myself they have gone but they really aren't)
**Going to work on MY MIND, and think more positively.
**Work hard on my prayer life, get it back to where it used to be.

There's others but these are the ones that are at the front of my mind right now.

2015.. I believe will be a good year for me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I feel... so much better.

Happier.

Upbeat.

Ready to tackle the ride of 2015.

2014 was a very horrible year for me for many reasons... but it wasn't all horrible.
Glad I can finally say 2014 is in the past.

I really have a positive outlook on this year..

It's my year to build, as my spiritual father has declared, a year of building myself, building houses.. etc.

So I'm definitely going to work on myself this year.. emotionally, physically and spiritually..

I will try my best.


x

On the 31st...

THIS.

I cannot wait.

So.. it's the end of term

...but I'm working for an additional three days next week.

I feel. Blank. Emotionless. Still.

Just. here.

I dunno if I'm excited or sad about the festivities and the overall holidays.

I just don't know..

Hm.

Realizations

I had a good pen and book session last night, and I came to realize so many things that I'm feeling that are completely irrational and unfinished.
These are things that I have decided to hold onto when they aren't doing any good to me, my mind or my spirit.

They are toxic.
So they need to be flushed out.

This all deals with the whole 'my mind being my own demon' thing that I mentioned not too long ago.
But what can I do?

I need to be positive-- to myself. I can be positive for other people.. But myself... It's a whole other ball game.
Before the year ends... I cannot enter the new year with such toxic thoughts and fabrications.

Sometimes I wonder how I can think of such things..
God. Your help. Please.

Inwardly

I was just thinking to myself..

'I'm going to be 27'

What do I have to show for it?

I don't FEEL like I'm nearing 30.. I still feel like I'm the same 21 year that I've always been. It's like once I hit that milestone.. I don't feel like I've aged... it's just the number that has increased.

I have definitely matured and I have definitely learned a lot about myself within the 5 years.. I've definitely grown.. (especially dealing with the tragic loss of my mother)

But it's like.. what do I have to show for all of these years that have passed? What have I accomplished? I have yet to write a book.. ok.. so I have been published, and I am a little more known in cyber world due to my writing (Well.. apparently.. some random person on twitter put me on their list for 'Writers to look out for in 2015')

But I dunno.. I feel like there's heaps more that I can accomplish, and that I will accomplish because I can feel with all of my bones that next year will be a year to remember-- for the good. It's about time I step up.

I pray to God that this is not empty speech, but I will have something more tangible to acknowledge in this blog next year.

There is always room to do more, and that's what I'm going to have to do!