Before I hit the hay...

...It hurts so much to care about someone.

But that's life...

Knowing where you stand..

So.

After the acceptance.. I now have realised where I stand... with people.
You know when you have friendships and relationships with people and there is a certain position that we all have with them?
Like.. there is one person that is always there..
Another person is the 'distress call' person
Another person is 'I need you at 3 am"

And so on and so forth.. you get the point!

I finally know where I stand with some people in my life, and it's made me so peaceful.. when you don't know where you stand.. you start to question yourself and your reason for why you are in some people's lives in the first place!

But... I am officially the 'Person who is always there' position.
*shrug*

But... I know where I am.. I know what I need to do.. and.. yeah I just know.

So I can relax about a lot of things now.

Thankful for that...

Acceptance..

Before I even begin..

...I picked the scab a lil bit! *shakes head*
But it was nothing fatal..  just a little corner of it. I'm almost healED.

Besides that.. in certain situations it takes a lot of acceptance to just move on. We seem to live in denial about things or try to ignore certain things in situations, but once we've accepted this can't work.. or the time on something has ran out.. the easier it is to move on.

Sometimes I guess staying in denial for a while is sometimes better?

Who knows.

But I've sat down in my quiet time and just accepted the cold hard truth about so many things... and now I'm working my way to getting back to normal and to continuing my plan for 2013.

Ugh. It's so hard...

But it's part of growth and it's a part of life.

Accept things and continue... nothing new under this sun.
x

What can you do..

Still sorting myself out.. the scab is definitely formed... just trying not to pick it.

It's just.. when you've released so much to somebody for it to just be... left. It's so so painful.

But it was a huge learning experience for me in the long run. Learned things about myself that I wouldn't have learned unless I went through it.

More reason of why I need to work on myself.

...besides that internal scab...

There's points during the day where I actually have the swallow the sensation of wanting to cry.. yeah it gets that bad!
But there's things I need to accept and move on with. I'm still hanging onto something that will never happen..

So.
*shrug*

Well besides that, (I did that before.. I know) things are looking hopeful for the year in regards to everything else. I just need to put in the work and dedication and everything should work out.. as well as God's backing.

...even sometimes I find that I've taken myself back there. Seriously.. we can torture ourselves with our own minds. *shakes head.*

Ok. I'm done.

Yesterday's dead and gone

It's madness how so much can happen in one day.

I think I'm finally done.

Healed. Scabbed up.

Only time will tell.

Renewed life..

Do you ever wonder what it would be like without me?

Would your life be better? Quieter? Would you be happier?

All of the things you said.. I do remember.. but actions speak louder... you've even said yourself.

I can't help but think what was wrong with me that you didn't want to stay..

I treated you like a king..
I loved you more than I loved myself..

..for what? Just to be hurt.
But the love I have for you.. covered it up.

Sometimes I sit in silence and travel back to the times of our euphoria..
that shortly had to come to an end...

I question myself everyday...
But all of the stuff you say...

I believe you.

But it's time to move on..
and get over the hurt and the pain...
It's really my choice to either keep it or lose it..

I know you wouldn't lie to me... and if you did.. it means the relationship that we have... has shrivelled up.. has become different than to what it began..

I just want you here...

Everything else is a distant memory.. dust of the past..
Struggling to forget..

But I know we have a special bond..

...tell me how you feel...

New year, 2013

Heavy eyelids as I type this..

I thank God for another year... and may he take control...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!