Identity Crisis-- Searching for who I am again

Is it possible to lose your identity within your identity?

What?

Does that even make sense?

Let me break it down a little more...

Me, personally, I'm a mother, a writer, a friend, a sister...
But since I've had kids... it seems all of those other things have faded away and the only thing I seem to be is a mother.

It's not a bad thing-- but it seems as if-- that's all I'm doing.. being a mother. Changing nappies. Baby talk. Feeding. Sleep routines. Discipline. Buying clothes and shoes. Bedtime stories. Bedtime routines..

But all of the other things I am known as are nowhere to be found. I'm so encapsulated on being a good mother that.. the rest have disappeared.

It's so funny how I read something similar about how being a mother shouldn't stop me of forgetting who I am... and it's so true.
Having children are blessings.. but it is all determined on what you do.

It's horrific to read stories and hear things on the news about mothers or parents even, that have killed their children and then killed themselves. But for what?

This doesn't only apply to mothers.. fathers too. We all were someone before we had children and having children doesn't change that fact-- what are we going to leave behind for our children when all we are doing is just knowing how to be a good parent?

Really... an identity crisis is figuring out who you are; whereas this is more of seeking your identity.

You want to try so hard to be a good role model for your child.. a good parent... just to do what is right by your child.. but you get so lost in that, that you forget everything else that you used to do.

I used to write.. a lot.
Writing has become non existent. And so many people ask me why am I not writing...
Writing in itself is not an easy craft, mind you! But I always thank God for giving me the gift to write-- I need to use it!
Being a parent can be so frustrating and stressful, especially when your child is going through growth spurts, teething, developmental milestones... it's neverending to say the least.
You can get so lost in the cycle of parenthood that you're not able to make time for yourself.

But that's just it... you gotta MAKE the time. Anytime you have free.. utilize it.

This is literal mumbo jumbo going on in my mind that I just wanted to put down. It may not make sense to you, but it makes a whole lotta sense for me!

The motherhood dilemma: Going back to work or stay at home

So.

It's been about a year since I've written a single word in here.


Don't beat me up... life gets in the way sometimes... situations get in the way sometimes.. but at the end of it all I do come back!

It's been a whirlwind of a year though.

Because of some staff changes and developmental changes in my workplace, I decided to stay at home and take care of my children.

It wasn't an easy decision because to be honest, I didn't want to be a mother on benefits; but to be honest I feel I need to spend time with my kids and make sure they are prepared when they start primary school.

I was in Primark the other day, and I bumped into a young lady who had a 1 year old-- it's her first child, and she's a single mum so she's had to go back to work against her will. Now she wants to change her decision because she feels she's not able to spend as much time with her son as she likes but the workplace is giving her hell.

Even when I was working-- when I would finish work and come home I'm so tired, that I can't even have quality time with my children.. it would be time for bed anyway!
And then the whole childcare situation...

Childcare is an absolute biatch-- I really didn't see a point of going back to work to practically be working to pay off childcare fees.

So tada. Here I am.