On the 31st...

THIS.

I cannot wait.

So.. it's the end of term

...but I'm working for an additional three days next week.

I feel. Blank. Emotionless. Still.

Just. here.

I dunno if I'm excited or sad about the festivities and the overall holidays.

I just don't know..

Hm.

Realizations

I had a good pen and book session last night, and I came to realize so many things that I'm feeling that are completely irrational and unfinished.
These are things that I have decided to hold onto when they aren't doing any good to me, my mind or my spirit.

They are toxic.
So they need to be flushed out.

This all deals with the whole 'my mind being my own demon' thing that I mentioned not too long ago.
But what can I do?

I need to be positive-- to myself. I can be positive for other people.. But myself... It's a whole other ball game.
Before the year ends... I cannot enter the new year with such toxic thoughts and fabrications.

Sometimes I wonder how I can think of such things..
God. Your help. Please.

Inwardly

I was just thinking to myself..

'I'm going to be 27'

What do I have to show for it?

I don't FEEL like I'm nearing 30.. I still feel like I'm the same 21 year that I've always been. It's like once I hit that milestone.. I don't feel like I've aged... it's just the number that has increased.

I have definitely matured and I have definitely learned a lot about myself within the 5 years.. I've definitely grown.. (especially dealing with the tragic loss of my mother)

But it's like.. what do I have to show for all of these years that have passed? What have I accomplished? I have yet to write a book.. ok.. so I have been published, and I am a little more known in cyber world due to my writing (Well.. apparently.. some random person on twitter put me on their list for 'Writers to look out for in 2015')

But I dunno.. I feel like there's heaps more that I can accomplish, and that I will accomplish because I can feel with all of my bones that next year will be a year to remember-- for the good. It's about time I step up.

I pray to God that this is not empty speech, but I will have something more tangible to acknowledge in this blog next year.

There is always room to do more, and that's what I'm going to have to do!