Aftermath of Christmas and bits

So.. Christmas is over.. the day anyway.. the celebrations will continue all the way until new years.

I had someone ask me... 'Do you miss your mother?' and I replied.. 'Everyday' of course I miss her... I always miss her.. I still remember her smile, her laugh, her yelps of excitement when she used to sit and watch tennis and lift up her leg in excitement.

This season has truly been a reflective one for me.. despite the madness around me, and the people around me.. in my own quiet time I have so much time to think and reflect about what is going on with me.. what I need to do.. what I need to achieve.. what I need to focus on.
The end of the year is really just a time to plan on what I need to DO. And stop being so got dang lazy... and just do what God wants me to do.
I've been slacking a lot for the past couple of months.. I know it within myself--- you know when you know you're doing something wrong.. or something that you're not meant to be doing--you can just FEEL it deep within your spirit.. your whole being-- yeah.. THAT!

It's not a sad time... not at all.. it's just a time of nostalgia, a time of just remembering the good and bad.. and making it a better year for myself... the fact that God has allowed my life to last up until now is more than a blessing--but it's my decision to make it even more than it is now.

Have to work!!

Mending

This time of the year is always a little hard for me.. seeing as I lost my mother the month before, 3 years ago.

I try not to think about it, but it's really hard! I don't say anything, but I always cast my mind back to that time, and I can remember it like it happened yesterday.

I am so SO thankful that I know the Lord.. otherwise this strength that I know is not of me, I wouldn't be able to cope. I literally have NO ONE. I have God, that's it.

Obviously, there are people that are close to me and I count them as family, but when you look into it.. really I have no one. It sounds sad.. but I guess it's an opportunity for God to bring the right people around me.

My perspective of why things have happened the way they have has changed... I always turn it to a positive because in life, everything does indeed happen for a reason, and that reason will always turn into some form of growth or something to learn from.

My mother's gone.. yes, but what she's taught me and how she's brought me up hasn't left me. I know I must honour my mother.. therefore I need to keep myself in check-- yes I will make mistakes... I will make stupid choices and decisions, but at the end of it all, as long as I still have God and he's still in my life.. I know I'll be alright.

I'm so done with 2012... 2013 there is truly a lot that I need to do and get done and I have to accomplish it. You know.. the bestest most beautifulest (Yes.. I said bestest and beautifulest) enemy is ourselves.
We can delay ourselves.. make so many excuses under the sun...

That needs to stop.
I'm mending from a lot right now.. a stupid choice I made.. and so much other madness.

But I know everything with settle.

8 days until Christmas!!

Christmas is in a week and one day!

How week did that come? And it's not even just Christmas that is the exciting thing.. it's the fact that, a week after that it's the new year! It's like Christmas is the signifier for the new year.

But... there is the question we always ask.. 'Will it snow for Christmas'? The way it's been COLD... and not just any cold, that finger numbing, toe biting, wanna stay in your bed all day type of cold! That's the kind of cold I'm talking about! If it wanted to snow, it could. Seriously.

But I'm just thankful that I've lasted this entire year, and no stupidity has happened. There's been a couple of hiccups.. but none that can be rectified.

I'm just glad...

Thank you Lord :)

And so the new year is approaching...

So much has happened this year... and there's still more that I need to do..

Not saying that I'm disappointed... but I know that there's so much I can do! Even better, I have this sheet where I can plan what I want to do each month next year... pretty much make goals and stick to them!

I've always done that.. but never met them. So I think writing them down and praying about them may make it more concrete.

But nonetheless, I know I've slacked a lot in some areas that need to be rejuvenated as the new year comes. There are things I need to achieve and I WILL!!


Just... God o! Help my brain, I think too much about unnecessary stuff...
That's gonna be one of my new years resolutions...

x

The bitter, bitter cold of December

As I was making my way to work this morning... wearing my pumps with no protection (i.e SOCKS) I froze to death as I stood at my local train station.
As I board the train now, I'm seeing flurries of SNOW!!
The first thought in my mind was 'Oh Lord, how am I gonna get home'

lol.

And then the flurries ceased.

The cold literally bit off at least 3 toes. I was numb!

But the weather is really dropping, I mean even tonight it's supposed to be -4 degrees.

Great, just great.

But experiencing this cold as I commute, and then I have a home to go to.. I am grateful. There are some people who do not have anywhere to go, let alone anywhere to lay their head.. but you and I.. we complain of things (just how I've just ranted about the cold) but we still have shoes and clothes to wear, let alone a place of rest.

The end of the year is always a sign of reflection.. and it's always good to see what we've accomplished and what goals we need to achieve for the forthcoming year..

x

Love knows no boundaries

Right?

When you love someone, you love them unconditionally. Nowadays the word 'love' (which I know has been said so many times, it might as well be a cliche now..)  has been overused. We just say it.. and not actually mean what we are saying.

It's good to let people know that you love them, because life is too short, you shouldn't wait until something happens to the one you love before you decide to tell them..

But really all I'm trying to say here is that love is a powerful emotion... and even in the most hardest, darkest, of times it shouldn't compromise your love.. because if it does it isn't true...

It should stand no matter what the circumstances maybe..

Just more thoughts...

Just.. why?

You know when you just want to know the answer to all the questions that come your way?

..yeah that's not possible.

Too much of everything is bad-- so if you know everything, it can destroy you.. and if you know too little, it can also destroy you.

Sounds like you can't win, can you?

Not the case--it's just in life, there are SOME things that you aren't meant to know, because when you know stuff, it can mess you up!

That's why that saying 'Curiousity killed the cat' exists..



I got an idea for a story I've already started; I need to lengthen it.. and see how it goes...

3 weeks until I finish work! Woop!

A more thought provoking post soon...

And we're back

Anddd I must rekindle with my blog once again.

This week... it's all in God's hands.. whatever he wants to do, let him do it!

I just want to be used as much as possible and effect the lives of so many people. My spiritual mother taught us about selflessness yesterday in service..

We must lead a selfless life.. God will take care of us, as we totally depend on him he will care to our every need.
I know as human beings we have to know how we're going to deal with things, but as long as we trust in him.. everything will be alright..

Like I said previously.. that feeling.. I know I'm going somewhere great..

As time goes on.. we shall see!

Blessings..
xx

Adorn

I am completely in love with Miguel's 'Adorn' right now..

It's that kind of song that you can two step with your hubby/wife.

It's so nice and chilled!

But anyway... I'm learning so much everyday..
All I have to say.. I can feel with all my being that God is taking me somewhere great.

I can't explain it, but as long as I can feel it.. it will come to pass!

Life is just an interesting thing... things may look like nothing is happening.. until the time is up and God shows himself.

I can see everything is falling into place slowly. I just need to endure, be patient and focus.

As well as the new year coming.. A lot is in store..

Yup!

A message of Love

(Literally composed on my BB this morning, completely raw)

Feelings suppressed.. Not soon to manifest..
I just can't, will you fear me?
To know how I really feel? Will it be a burden,

Soon to kill?

 The moments that we shared.. 
 The words that were exchanged..

 The amount of which I cared..
 
 I wouldn't say a waste, but it was only by grace that they were able to be maintained.. 
 
 Scared to reveal the truth, but you were enough to be trusted, the rough edges of my being; smoothed as parts of who you didn't know started to come to light..

 I thought you might.. Just understand me..

 
 The experiences will forever be a memory,
 That will never be forgotten
 Moulded into my heart
 I hope it's the same..
 But I'm truly glad you came..
 
 A heart full of love, just for you..

I never knew..

Being a creative is so special...

It's at these times my creative mind wakes up..
Just writing random blurbs here and there.. throughout the week I hope to have completed some stuff...

But who would of known that I would be needed so much amongst so many people...

You just offer a helping hand here... and a shoulder to lean on there.. and so many people yearn for your comfort and support.

Sometimes you even have to ask yourself  'Am I even that important?'

The answer is YES.

Everyone has a part to play in so many lives of so many people..

We are all needed to complete a mission...

#life

Letter to my father..

I'm starting to feel distant from you...

I know I don't communicate as much OUT LOUD... but within my heart, I always speak to you.. and I know that you hear me...

Even the most littlest things that you do, I notice them and give you praise because of it. It's not on purpose.. it's just there have been other things that have clouded my mind.. and I know I shouldn't really allow anything like that to deviate my mind from you... but it's just I felt as if I've done wrong by you, so I feel ashamed...

But I know your word says you never leave nor forsake.. so it's not you that's distant.. it's me..

I just want to be closer to you than ever before... I want to be used by you.. I want you to be glorified because of me..

I just want to fulfil what I need to do..

Is that so much to ask?

Draw me closer.. cleanse me clean..


Forgive me..

Diana

Hurt

I never thought it could ever happen..

This.

This feeling would come from you..

I sit down and cast my mind back to what we did together...

It takes two..

But we are both to blame.. but one was more in it than the other..

To make you feel better... I'm the hypocrite that just didn't want to quit...


So because of it.. I need to mend..

"It just happened.."

You know when you watch television shows, or even when you're listening to a friend telling you about something that they never thought would happen, and then all they can say is "It just happened..."

Can something really 'just happen'? You must be aware that something is happening ,and if so.. why not stop it?
OR could it be because you're so caught up in the moment that you don't realise until after?

I just wanted to get my head around it.

Uncensored

This is the time and I can feel it..

But why am I being my own worst enemy and stopping it?

I'm thinking about what lies ahead, yet the first step I have yet to make.

It's true, it's only God that I have... and no one else.

So I might as well take this risk and do what I can do..

Or else.. I will be stuck..

Stuck in the space time continuum of debt, sorrow, discontent...

But once I break out on my own..

There's no more boundaries.

I think for myself.. I do it for myself...

There's no one to fall back on.. but God.

God is the only one I have..

He's the one that never leaves.. nor forsakes.

If I break

He will still be there.

I don't want to be stuck here anymore.

Stolen happiness and joy.

No more.

Minor progression...

Well...my mind is a little more at ease now concerning some things, so I'm quite thankful for that!
It's just when you know... you just unnecessarily worry about things that actually are beyond your control, or you worry for the sake of worrying, (I know.. how pointless)

But... things are looking up I think.. kind of, I believe!

Ugh... It'll be time to go back to work soon and the tedious schedule of a 5 day working week.

Ah well... time flies, eh?

It's August!

Where is the time flying?

Next thing I know, I'll blink and we're in 2013. Like, really?
But so many things are going on in my mind.. and so many plans are being created. So many changes are ready to happen...

I have a lot to do.

I just...

want to help as many people as I can..
Is that so hard?

Total Thought spam...

Well... Here I am again... thought spamming my mind away.. there's so much.. but I'm going to try and limit it... It's just like you want to push yourself away from people for a while, not in a bad way.. but when you're around people too much it can get a bit agitating and irritating and you start to make mistakes and say things that you're not meant to say, and then by the time you've said it, it's too late and then you feel like a fool. How about when you've witnessed someone saying something about you, and it's like... 'Well what's the point of even talking, if people are going to say poo about you?' It's like.. I've gotten to a point where I'm like 'Oh my god.. who can I even trust?' It's scary... anything that is said can be used against you, EVEN if it's something good. Why is it when you do good, no one remembers... and the one mistake you made it's remembered for eternity. (Yes, eternity.. that's what it seems like sometimes) *sigh* It's like I'm beginning to seclude myself.. I don't want to speak to anyone because of fear of stuff being used against me... And.... I haven't had that heavy hearted feeling for a while.. till just recently.. but I know why, and I do not want it. It's a crap feeling. It sucks. Especially for a pointless reason. I'm not even making sense anymore....

Like, dude!

It's June.

And once again, I have not been updating my blog like I should! So much has been going on.. and with the net being down at my house AGAIN, didn't really help much.

But it's 22 days until my birthday.. and OMG!

Just felt like sharing that..

The ability to feel...

..can be such a drag sometimes!

I tend to feel unnecessary feelings, or feelings that are not that relevant to what's going on right now!!

I know the right time will come along and everything, but just.. Aghhh let the feelings suffice and let me just focus on what I need to do!

That's my rant over.

Still lack of internet...

Still awaiting internet at my home...

Let me share a funny thing that happened to me this morning..
My key to open my main gate got bent somehow; and I was locked in my house!
Luckily, my brother hadn't let for work yet so he was able to open it.. but that means I won't be able to let myself in and out of my house.
I wasn't late for work.. thank God, but it was just funny how it happened?
I'm hoping I'll be able to pick up a new key today without any wahala going on..

But that was my story.
x

Progression

You know when you do a lot in one day, or progress has been made with something!


YEAH, THAT!

It's just a nice thing to feeling to know you've done something, you know!

On another note, I was reading a scripture in Deuteronomy Ch10v16;


'Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn.'


This is the revelation I got when reading; what is the reason why men mainly circumcise their genitals? I had a look online, and there were three reasons:


-for an medical indication

-to prevent future disease

-as an act of religious dedication.


I'm excluding the religious dedication point because I'm explaining it in a different way. A lot of men, why they decide to do is solely because when they have foreskin, they need to make the extra effort for it to stay clean; otherwise it can lead to infection-- the point I'm focusing on is the second one; FUTURE disease, and the scripture is speaking to circumcise the foreskin of your heart.


If you don't circumcise that skin, your heart will be infected. Infected with all of the jealously, malice, hatred, unnecessary things that your heart or spirit don't need!

Do you kind of get where I'm getting at here?


The 'circumcision' is getting rid of what will make your heart hard..


Proverbs 28:14 says:


'Blessed is the man who always fears the LORD, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.'


When your heart is hardened, it's a disease because you become heartless, emotionless, and you won't be able to get closer to God because of it...


I hope this makes sense... the point of this is to RENEW your heart, and clear out all of the unnecessary baggage and stress that we hold in our hearts.


Life is too short.


Forgive.


x

Gonna treat myself..

Was just sitting down.. and thinking, I haven't treated myself for a little while now!


Not sure what I want to do yet, but I have a small idea; I just hope I have the funds to compensate.

We shall see!

Oh, the taboo of it all..

Why are subjects like sex, lesbianism and all of those underlying topics never discussed about, and even if they are brought up, they end up being buried even deeper into the ground?


I don't understand... I mean, sex is something we all do and we've all participated in, in one way or the other, so when talking about, why is there such a stigma?


It's not a shameful thing at all, and wouldn't more things be dealt with if people were brave enough to come out about it? I completely understand that people have their fears about what people will think about them after they talk about it, but at the end of the day they exist, and they are present everyday.


I had a child protection refresher meeting thingy today at work, and the lady presenting the subject spoke about emotional abuse and rape and stuff like that, and she asked the question I just did about how sex and things like that aren't talked about, yet we can talk about everything else so freely.....


It was just a though... why do we find those kinds of topics so embarrassing?

Prayer changes things..

Look at it... the whole Muamba situation...


People like to question the subject of prayer and 'Why bad things happen to good people' Prayer is a genuine communication to God. It's as simple as that. If you don't pray, nothing happens. Nothing is protected. Nothing is dealt with.


But that was by the way.

I wanted to share something so small but so beautiful that happened to me today. At my workplace, on my work email; I have Ecclesiastes 3:11 in my signature, which is the scripture, 'He has made everything beautiful in its time' which I thought was a nice motto for the school, seeing as it's a primary school and they are here until they are 11 years old. Anyway, one of the parents I emailed previously, commented on the scripture and extended her love for the scripture and that she is in a prayer group for the school. We just had a little banter about the bible this morning but I loved how enthusiastic she was to find out there was another believer in her midst.


And that's how it should be. When brethren meet brethren there should be love.


One thing that got into my head was she said at first, the school didn't agree with having a prayer group but with persistence they found there way in and they're witnessing so many changes in the school.


It's a beautiful thing; and it's just NICE!


As for me and prayer, still intact but not as high as it should be; need to get back on my A game.

BUT Can I share a small testimony with you? A couple of weeks ago I had to pay a massive bill of £460. Do not ask. It was a bill for our beloved gas company, because I was moving so I had to get the last bill done and paid. I had ZILCH towards paying this bill. And do you know what happened? The day I got the bill I said to God, 'I need your help, because I don't know how I'm going to pay this bill' The next day (literally) I get a letter from EDF, because that was the company I was with at the previous place I was, and the letter said that I'm due for a refund. I call them now, and the refund is for £306! I had to say THANK YOU GOD! Because at least with that amount, my brother can put an extra £100 and something something pound, but the majority of what I needed was there in the £306 I got a refund for. But refund for what? Why was I even favoured a refund? I haven't lived in that previous property for a while. All I have to say is God is a true God. When you believe and trust in him.. you can't go wrong! I'm still baffled about the whole thing but... it just means God heard me.


Thought to share once again.


x

Time to change (for real this time)

I'm currently writing this at my desk at work because I have moved house... YET AGAIN.. so there will be a drought of no internet on my part for a little while.
Anywho. Moving to this new place has given me a new sense of.. self.. I guess I can say. You know how no one can make you change until you DECIDE that you want to.
Yeah.. I've decided. There's so many things I need to do.. and there's so much potential that I have within myself and yet other people can see... so let me also bring it out.
It's been said in my ears for so long now, 'Time waits for no one' so.. let me start to implement positive changes in my life.. it's not like I didn't want to.. but I always said to myself 'Oh I have the time.'
And I'm realising new things every single day.. it's time to rise. For real now.


Because we can continue to say it and not act upon it.. but there will be a time where we actually have to make a move.

Just my personal epiphany.

x

A heavy heart..

Sitting in the dark.. on my laptop in a mood where my mind can drift...
There comes a time where you just really sit and reflect on yourself.
You have to remember that the way we act, we're representing ourselves, and that's what people take. True, we all make mistakes, but the most important thing is to evaluate yourself and so there won't be a next time for a mistake to arise.

My mind is literally scattered and my heart is heavy... God is amazing, he knows who to bring to speak to you at the right time- but then sometimes no one will actually be there because he wants you to directly call out to him in time of distress.

There was a question that was ringing in my ears after my bible study session today, 'Do we only appreciate God when we're in a problem?' because sometimes we forget to appreciate God when everything is ok... and that's a mistake that we make..

So scattered.

God knows.
x

An attempt

So... I felt so horrible yesterday.

Some random... stomach bug virus thing. Nothing too dramatic though, it was just uncomfortable and I literally felt like I was going to vomit.

Seriously.

It didn't happen.. I slept it off.. felt a bit weak this morning but I'm ok now.
Really... there is no time to be sick anymore--and frankly we can't afford it.

Anywho.. finally pay day, I need CLOTHES! Feeling like a raggedy bum at the moment with my current clothes hanging off me like a circus tent.
Hopefully I can find a little something-something.

So yeah. Onwards to the weekend!

So... I'm going to be a guest speaker..

At a youth workshop in Croydon!

It's all part of this place I work for, Enpower, I'm a writer there, and the owner of it needs speakers to come. I'm also an Ambassador, so I represent the youth and the creatives.

The subject matter is body image and perception so it's more focused on the young women.. which I can completely empathize with, which is why I want to do this workshop!

Funnily enough, I would have never thought ME of all people would be talking to young people about self esteem and how they feel about themselves, with me being a heavy victim of low self esteem and confidence through my 23 years.

But it's a chance to network, and to encourage young ladies who are in that same situation to be liberated and to have a new outlook on themselves, to be comfortable with themselves and appreciate how they are and who they are.

Should be good!
x

When everything becomes too much...

...give it to God.

There are some situations or problems where if you think you can handle it yourself, you dig yourself a deeper hole. But if you can see the problem and you know it only needs the hand of God.. the best option is to PRAY.

Seriously.

I've had times in my own house where you can cut the tension with a knife.
And you know if you bring that issue out, there will be more of a repercussion, so it's better to take the case to the Lord.

When it feels like everything is just too much on your shoulders... give it to God. It's the best thing to do because HE WANTS to. HE CARES for us (1 Peter 5:7)

Bless
x

Self Evaluation...

Before you look at someone... look at yourself first.

I've been reflecting about myself.. and the things I'm doing wrong and what I need to do. Because really, in this life, it's about ourselves before anyone else. If our paths in life are gonna be straight-- it's all down to our attitudes and what we have planned to achieve.
I've pin pointed a lot about myself that I need to change and I need prune out of my system--because if not, I will suffer, I will struggle, and life will not be enjoyable.

It's time to stop looking at other people and look at ourselves first and foremost..
And from there we'll prosper..

Little things like this... help us to be humble and therefore God comes in and lifts us up..

Something Strange about the Johnsons

Now. I was given this link to watch...

29 minutes and 6 seconds of my life that I will never get back.



But while watching this short film, it wasn't just shock, but I was quite inquisitive wondering what the writer was actually trying to portray in this film.
There's issues of incest, rape, power, and the distorted reality of love.
The film is a lot deeper than just what you see.

I don't want to give too much away, but I did a little research on the writer, Ari Arster and he came up with the idea while speaking to one of his friends (who happens to me the main character of the film) about taboo subjects and topics that could never be made into film-- and this was one of them!

But there are some scenes in this film that are so disturbing-- there's a particular scene (well two) where the mother actually witnesses her own son and husband in the act, but the husband is actually the victim. Again, the wife is in her bedroom and hears faint cries--her son and father are doing the act of 'love' as the son addresses it by-- and the wife knows what's going on, but to ignore it she just turns the volume up.. and as she turns it up, the screaming gets louder..
It's a powerful scene and also disturbing--how can you sit there and know what is going on in your own house and sit through it?

On Youtube.. everyone has their own views-- as disturbing as it may be, this actually does go on behind closed doors--but it's never spoken of because of how stigmatized it is.

I'm still a little disturbed, fascinated, and scared all at the same time.
Because scripture says in Timothy:

1But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.

6They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, 7always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth. 8Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth—men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. 9But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone.

You see that?

Even the main character, he HATED his mother because she didn't love him the way he did.
There's things in this world.. and there are issues that are kept in the dark, but maybe they need to be brought to life so people who are suffering will find solitude.

Seriously--this film just shone light on the abuse that is going on in homes and kept under wraps.

Hm.

Mishaps and what not..

Have you ever had a time where you're just speaking to someone nonsensically, and then afterwards you sit down and think about what you said and go 'Wait, did I really say that?' 'Why did I even say that?'

And really, there's no time limit to what we say, we don't need to speak like a motor for someone to hear us..

But I guess in the heat of conversation we just say things without thinking and then afterwards we wonder or regret why we said them..

But even scripture says, 'Be swift to hear, and slow to speak'.. so instead of being swift to speak and slow to hear.... (you get my drift)

It's all part of life... when we speak much, we make a lot of mistakes as my spiritual father has always said and it's the stone cold truth!

So next time you're speaking.... just think about what you're gonna say.. it's not really hard. I've started to implement this and it makes life easier...
I know it's hard especially when you're in an argument.. but the scripture still applies..

Try it.

Oh my gawd! It's March!

I just can't believe it!

I remember new years eve at my church like it was yesterday.
It's actually madness.

I wanna share something. On Friday.. for the whole of the day, I would hear like a quiet still voice speaking to me and just saying things to me.

I'm believing this was the holy spirit--you know how God always wants to speak to us but we never listen..?
Well I was hearing something! And it just kind of renewed my mind and made me really really think.

There are so many idiotic thoughts that drop in my mind that I don't even need to make time for. There are things that I don't even need my mind to be processing--there are places that my mind does not need to go!

This may not even make sense to you... but for me it makes heaps of sense.

The amount of things we think about are completely unnecessary...

God's working on me..

I can feel it.

x

Lost, but I'm now found

So today I just had the shock realisation that I don't actually know what I want.

I know where I'm going.. but how to get there is the problem. But that's the part that is not revealed to us because we have to FIND the way. God can tell us where we're gonna end up but we have to take it into our own hands to find out the process to MAKE IT.

That's what kind of happened today. I was asking myself so many questions, and wondering what to do. It's not that I don't have any idea, but the plan is quite cloudy-- and then my little brother, (not biological, but you know you have people that you just take on as family) texts me and asks what is wrong..
And as I do.. I'm always hesitant to say anything.

I tell him and he comes out with this idea... and that's where it all began.

So... I'm gonna go with this idea and see where it gets me-- but it's not for me alone.

Being or feeling lost is not a nice feeling..

I'm found.

Whitney Houston has died

The early hours of Sunday morning.. I'm just aimlessly tweeting and spot a tweet to say that 'Tell me Whitney Houston is not dead'

I frantically google it and the first article that pops up says 'Whitney Houston dies, age 48', still not believing I change the channel on the TV to the news... and it says the same thing.


Rest in Peace Whitney Houston. I am still in shock.. and I pray her family will be kept together.

Wow. You never know when you're going to go..

Epiphany

I had a dream a couple of days ago that I was climbing a mountain, tripped and my hand smeared in a little faeces.. I kept going, stood on a branch, almost at the top, but I couldn't really pull myself up.. I called one of my brothers, (in Christ) and he helped me up.. and I woke up.

My realisation was that I am definitely going to need help from another person in order to make it up to the top.

It's as simple as that... in life everyone needs somebody--and as much as you think you can do something on your own, you really can't.

That's life.

I'm planning to also start documenting some encouragement vids on youtube... because there's people who need to hear a word that will uplift them...

Soon come...

God bless
x

Do you ever wonder..

Why don't people like discussing about death, or about topics that aren't necessarily good conversation starters, but they are things that will possibly happen later in life?

Again.. Death.. why be afraid of the inevitable? It's going to happen anyway, so why fear it, or why delay it? You can't delay what's already going to happen.
I used to be afraid of it, but we're all going to be at that time so we might as well live our lives and do what we can as we're still alive.

Or to talk about our beliefs with other people.. there always seems to be a barrier when we're talking 'theologically' or 'philosophically' because of the fear of it turning it into an argument--the only reason why it would is because the people you are discussing it aren't open minded. It's not an insult, but when was the last time you've had an intellectual conversation with a group of your friends, that didn't end up in a dispute?

Just some things running through my mind..

Writing Inspiration..

I'm trying to rekindle my writing..

I've been writing, but not writing STORIES. And recently, I had a good ol outpour while listening to the Inception OST, and oh my goodness, I think this music just invokes something in me because I wrote something that I never thought I could, I still need to polish it, but it will be something good, I pray.

The music brings forth such emotion, and that is what you need as a writer-- you need to be able to encapsulate emotion--this is what captures readers.. and then there comes the imagery and everything like that.

Writing is an art... and it's something I love and strive to do--because whether you realise it or not, words are very powerful, and it can change people's lives one way or the other.

That's what I want to do.

I will do it, with the help of my God :)

x

Ending of the first week of the January

Imagine.. the first week in January is almost over.

I know.. I'm being a little extra.. lol.

Again.. I'm being so reflective--but it's needed. There's some things that need to change, some things that need the heave ho.. some things I need to maintain.. and so much other things that I need to reflect on.

Reflecting is a good thing.. it gives you a chance to check on yourself.. check what you need to improve.. and what you need to achieve..

But thinking too much is not good... as I know, and I still do it.

This year... all I can say is God.. take your seat. I'm beginning to learn to leave certain things to God and not think I can do it all on my own--it's not possible.

Ah.. God will have his way.

:)

New Year 2012!!

Wow... I cannot believe I made it into the New Year.

I feel happy--even though things are still coming together, I'm in high spirits that something good is going to happen. I really don't know what God has planned--but this year, something has GOT TO GIVE!!

God needs to move in my life, and I need to testify and let people know that there is a living and true God.. and better yet that there is a living and true prophet in the land!

All I can say is... there will be blessings beyond what I have ever imagined this year... and God.. I'm ready!

Happy new year!
x